Fun at Disneyland

Fun at Disneyland

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Dealing with uncertainty

It's been 10 days since Blake started his news meds and so far, so good. We notice a slight difference, probably about 10% better. Things are still often a struggle, but he has not had a raging meltdown in 6 days. That's progress.

I am trying to keep myself in the present and am having a hard time doing it. My mind is swirling with thoughts and possibilties. I am thinking about how things this summer are going to go, how a cross-country plane ride will be with 3 kids and just myself. Will they be OK in the camp I'm putting them in? What type of side effects will we see with these medicines as the doses go up. Than I worry about how he'll do in school next year, if his love of learning will ever come back.

Then I think how we don't even know what school the kids are going to next year. We have applied to a wonderful charter school the next town over. James is #3 on the waiting list. Blake is #9. Chances are good that James will get in, but likely Blake won't. In that case, Blake will go to another Charter school (which I really like too, but it only goes to the 5th grade). That school is, luckily, minutes away from the other. Then, the following school year, Blake would get into James's school and they would continue there (with Baby L someday!) until 8th grade.*OR* James won't get in and I will send them both to a fairly good local public school and hope that he gets into sometime during the school year.

It's all up in the air. I didn't realize what I planner I was until I was in this situation. I need to be making plans and remembering to stay flexible about them and that is hard. With Blake, I need to be remembering that he is doing the best he can at the given moment and also to have hope that we will soon see him happy, relaxed and even-keeled.

Maybe I can buy a crystal ball on Ebay.

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