I quit

I quit. I am done. Mercy. Hello? Hello? I am even too tired to even go into details, but the past 2 days have been more difficult than anything in the past year. Ready to tag the next team and there is no one waiting to take my place. More soon....

Doing Better!

I've been a bit negligent about keeping up with my blog. Things here are really going well. Blake is doing great both at home at at school. He is totally off the stimulants and just on the Intuniv and I am so pleased with how things have been going.

It's still not perfect, of course, he is still often oppositional and negative, but it's really so much better. He will do something he doesn't w ant to do without too much of a fight. He doesn't complain as much. He is exponentially better than he was just a month ago.

Having Blake happier has had a beautiful trickle down effect on the whole family. We feel more relaxed and have more fun with him, so we want to spend time with him. Just last night my husband took Blake out to "Phillipe's", a restaurant famous for it's sandwiches and featured on "Man Vs. Food" (One of Blake's favorite TV shows). Then they went to a Laker's game. My husband said they had an incredible time and Blake was so nice to be with the whole night.

I have cancelled the behaviorist for now. It's outrageously expensive and not really needed at this time. I am very hopeful that things will continue to get better.....

What we really need to do at this point, is to spend some time and energy on our younger son. He started stimulants in October, but I am still not entirely happy with his results. His focus is better, the hyperactivity is better, but his listening is not at all better, and his emotional reactions are worse. I know some of it may be the middle child thing, especially with his older brother taking up so much of us in the past. he is also only 6, so it's hard to say how much of this might be a maturity thing too.....

Treading Water

Things with Blake continue to improve. He is certainly less aggressive and less likely to throw a tantrum. He isn't over the top hyper. He is eating well and sleeping great. The only remaining issue is his persistent negativity and oppositional attitude. That's a tough one because even with everything else so much better, the negativity is very draining on us all.

It's sad to say this, but he's really hard to like much of the time. It's like having Stalin in my house. Our own little dictator. I know that engaging him when he is arguing isn't the right thing to do, but it's so difficult not to. it's not like I can ignore him or say "Asked and answered. I'm done discussing it." and he'll just give up. No, no, no. I'm not sure "give up" is in his personality.

Some people have pointed out that the personality trait of being persistent is one that will help you in life. And I really hope with all my heart that it does work to his benefit someday...but right now, it's really tough to see that silver lining.

Christmas was fun. The kids were happy with everything and we had a really nice day with family. I am excited for January 1st. It's my 37th birthday and I am throwing a champagne tasting party. It's been a lot of fun to put together and I am really looking forward to it! No children, no worries for a night. Just yummy bubbly drinks, music, fun and laughter. Just what the doctor ordered.

One week now of no ADHD meds

I think it's better. I don't see the wild look in his eyes anymore and I am seeing more personality in the last 2 days, less aggression and dare I say it...more cooperation. He is still on the Intuniv, which we increased from 2 mg to 3 mg last Monday. Monday and Tuesday, he took a nap in the afternoon, so I was not happy that the med was apparently making him tired, but it was only those 2 days and he's been fine since.

I have no idea how things will be for him when he goes back to school. But, frankly if he is less aggressive, has more personality and doesn't have to deal with the cruddy side effects of those stimulants....then I don't care if he is wiggly, talkative and impulsive. He is lucky to be so bright and I am confidant that his smarts will help to compensate for his lack of focus.

The children's crisis responsive team came out this week and talked with us. They were helpful, and said they thought we were on the right path by having him evaluated by UCLA (not until June 2011, but still....we have an appointment!) and also agreed that having a behaviorist come into the home to work with Blake and with us would be very helpful. I have contacted someone that was recommended and hope to hear back from her next week.

Tomorrow is Christmas and I am always a little sad at Christmas time. My dad died in a car accident when I was 12 years old and it was 2 months before Christmas. I still remember that empty and lonely feeling all those years ago and it always comes back a little bit this time of year.

But it is nice to have hope and to have the love of my family. I am really a very fortunate person to have those things. Blake is doing well. James is providing the comic relief when needed and Baby L reminds us that love is really all you need.

Merry Christmas!

Day 2 of no ADHD Meds

Not so great here. There have been many, many "fires" to put out with Blake. It seems as soon as we deal with one, another crops up. Just this morning he went into a rage because we told him he needed to take a shower. Then another rage because I said he had to write a (short) letter of apology to his dad from his raging tantrum last night. Then after the shower he lost it again when he discovered that I had cleaned up his toy guns last night and taken them away (as I had said I would if they were left out again.)

I know that we can prevent tantrums from happening if we just allow Blake to rule his world and have no boundaries, but that wouldn't be healthy for anyone. I believe we set the rules and boundaries with love and compassion and frequently allow Blake to collaborate with us when we have an issue. When possible, I allow him to have a voice. But sometimes, something needs to get done or a rule is broken or he doesn't hold up his end of the deal and that's when things go south.

Another thing that's been really tough is my husband. He really has come a long way in his parenting and can often talk with Blake and diffuse a situation. But when it doesn't work out, he gets really frustrated and angry. Then I get angry at him for that and he's angry at me for blaming him, and there's just a whole lot of blame and guilt and bad feelings. I could never do this alone. I truly appreciate my husband and know he loves our son tremendously. But it's not easy to do this with someone either......

Day one - No ADHD meds

Blake has had a fairly good week. No majorly explosive tantrums since Tuesday, but I do notice that both my husband and I give him a TON of chances instead of being firm with the rules and boundaries. I know that's because we're afraid of his reactions. And I know that's not good in the long run.

This week, he was in a musical performance in front of his whole school and many parents...probably about 200 people! He played the trombone, which he's only been playing for about 2-1/2 months now. He did really well. I was proud of the trombone playing, but enormously proud of the fact that he did it and didn't get anxious like he has in the past when performing in front of people.

The local children's crisis response team is sending someone out this coming Tuesday to talk with us and with Blake. I hope this is the help we have been so desperately needing.

So, today is the first day of no ADHD meds for Blake. It hasn't been too bad yet, but he's been playing video games. When his time runs out on that, we'll see how it goes. I have already noticed that he's hungry and is snacking....something I hardly ever see during the day.

It's raining today and rain is forcasted for the nest 6 days. Ha, ha,ha. Didn't mother nature know I was not doing meds this week and that I needed the outdoors to help my son get his extreme energy out??? I guess we'll either be putting on the rain gear and dealing with it or using the inside bounce house!

On a Mission

Sorry…Not a ton of time, so this is the condensed version (Geez! This is condensed?)

Another rough day…

Dentist for James. He got 2 crowns and was so bothered by the Novocain that he cried on and off for 2 straight hours afterwards. I told him that I *had* to get gifts wrapped today to ship out for Christmas. He had to just be tough. I am truly running out of time with so much to do and I’m still playing catch-up from him being sick last week. But still, I felt major mommy guilt.

After school, Blake wanted to play video games (hmmm, that again???) He got mad, he wanted to play football; Dad said “No diving on the couch if you play football” Blake argued that he needed to dive on the couch and again, got mad, then it was time for dinner, he didn’t want my spaghetti, we told him to go to his room and he said NO! He’d just run away when we’d go to help escort him there. Seems like the temper tantrums are really increasing in frequency for sure. I am both looking forward to taking him off meds on Friday and also dreading it. I just need to stay calm. Sure…no problem. Can I have a side of some valium with that please?

I talked to a local crisis response team and they put me in touch with some resources that I’m going to check out. I would ideally like a behavioral therapist to come into our home and work with my son *and* our family. I would also like an occupational therapist to come in and help with Blake’s sensory seeking behavior, oversensitivity’s to brushing teeth, hair, etc, and also to help with his lagging fine motor skills. I am on a mission and I am going to get Blake the help he needs and we need. I won’t stop until I do.